Goodbye Betty

It is with great sadness and heartache to have to inform you today that Betty is no longer with us. As you can imagine, we are fairly devastated as Betty had been with us for nigh on 4 years now and we really felt that she was starting to become part of the family. OK, she was fiery and temperamental at first but slowly and over time I learnt how to control her ways. For instance, I found out that it was always best to leave Betty well alone after feeding her. She would need to calm down completely before you approached her again. If she got too hot and excitable, then a quick spritz of water from a spray bottle would do the trick. If she became lethargic and needed picking up, then some vigorous flapping with a piece of cardboard or frantic waving of a dustpan would soon get her all frisky again. Ah what happy memories of playing in the sun!

I knew something was up when I took Betty for a walk to the bottom of the garden. She set off fine but after taking a few steps forward, she started to shake violently, making a strange whining sound before leaning listlessly to one side and finally collapsing to the ground. I tried to pick her up but it was no good, her leg had gone. It was then that I noticed the dreaded rusty coloured rash all over her body and I felt this horrible sick feeling in my stomach. How come I hadn't seen this before? Further inspection confirmed the worst. There was a massive hole in Betty's bottom. I sank to my knees and held her for a while before looking back up to the sky with a tear rolling down my cheek. It was then that I knew she had gone. The worst part was knowing I had to go back into the house and tell my wife the dreaded news.

"The barbecue is fucked, we'll have to get a new one next year"

I am sure with time, we shall get over the loss but to help us through the grieving process I would like to dedicate this post to Betty. And by way of fitting tribute, I would like to show some pictures of her last endeavour of the summer when I experimented with some Mexican flavours and pork belly, gratis from Able and Cole.

Goodbye Betty.

Chipotle Chile and Tamarind (soaked and blended together)

Recado de Achiote

Marinate overnight

Braise in low oven for 3 hours (Recado de Achiote mix to the left, Chipotle and Tamarind mix to the right)

Whack the pork belly on Betty

Tender, spicy, sexy pork, dribble.......
"Betty" 2005 -2009


Kavey said…
Aaah poor Betty. RIP, Betty!
The Ample Cook said…
That made me laugh out loud.

Tell me we haven't missed the service. I do a cracking bereavement tea. My coffin & walnut cake is legendary.
Ollie said…
I laughed out loud too. Absolutely brilliant, Danny. Hilarious.
Helen said…
Oh poor Betty, may she rest in peace. That last photo is tragic, just tragic!! Nice belly though mate. Veeery nice.
Hollow Legs said…
Excellent post! RIP Betty.

That pork belly looks dribble-inducing...
Browners said…
Nooooooooooooooooooo! Poor Betty. You'll have to build a pizza oven instead.
meemalee said…
I discovered the other day that there was a massive hole rusted into the bottom of my microwave.

Didn't know what to do with it, so I slung it in my front garden where it has now been rained on for about 3 days solid.
gastrogeek said…
this is bloody brilliant! You are too funny FU....
chefstales said…

You have a great blog!

Please visit my blog and see if it is something that you would be willing to be linked too.

I was born in Harrogate and am currently working in Penang, Malaysia.

I will of course reciprocate.

Warm Regards,
Dan said…
V. Funny Post.
The Queen is dead, long live the Queen eh? what sort of BBQ you planning on getting next Dan? any contenders?

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