Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Crumpetgate

No one likes a smart arse and you'll be sure that whilst riding high upon the crest of a wave, spectators, commentators and detractors will be looking for the slightest slip up, the merest excuse to mock, bray and scream. I found this out to my cost when I appeared on 'A Question of Taste', a new epicurean quiz recently aired on BBC2. Watching nervously from my settee at home, clutching a cushion and a bottle of port, I spent the first part of the show lamenting the fact that I had decided to wear a flowery shirt that day. And sporting a ginger, hairy caterpillar under my nose was also a definite no-no. But as the programme progressed, my confidence grew because a) my team were doing quite well and b) I had answered a fair few of the questions myself. In fact, as things went on, I could actually start to feel my temporal lobes swell with pride. 'This could be it,' I thought. 'Redemption. At last I can walk tall in the street. People will see me for who I really am. They will all slap me on the back. They will all hoist me up on their shoulders and carry me through the streets of Romford, praising my genius. "This man has got it!" They'll all cry. "This man really knows his stuff about food!"'

And then came this question.

"What is the name given to small round pieces of mutton or lamb dipped in egg and breadcrumbs and then grilled or fried?"

"Wait! I know this one.............."

*BRAINFART*

"Come along now Danny"

"Er is it ...........crumpets?"

"Wrong! It's epigrams"

Kavey - "You knobber Danny." Dan - "Oh my god you prink."
Twitter -"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Of course I have heard of nothing else since. Via text, emails, DM's and phonecalls, everyone has been keen to point out my little mistake. Even my Nan rang last night, just to simply say "Crumpets Dan? What the hell was you thinking!?! You are no Grandson of mine!!!"

Oh to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous (mis)fortune.

But let me just say that it is I who will have the last laugh, for yesterday I took a very interesting call indeed. I can't say much at the moment but let's just say that the marketing department of a well known (and may I add premier) producer of baked goods got in touch and wants me to spearhead a new advertising campaign. Kerching!!!

Like I said my lips are sealed but here's a little sneak preview of what they've got in mind.


Who's laughing now eh?

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I saw you and I tought you were great well apart from the "Crumpets" bit!!!!!

thelittleloaf said...

Haha this made me laugh - I can imagine doing exactly the same kind of thing under that kind of pressure. On another note, I hope you take the company up on their offer. Cue lots of bad puns about a bit of crumpet in the morning...

Kavey said...

Haa, I'd never call you a nob! I thought the crumpets thing was hilarious, I'd never even heard of scrumpets, so had NO IDEA where you were coming from!

And I have never heard of epigrams either, reckon your almost Scrumpets answer was much better.

When I watched it back on telly, I loved it even more, because your face when you realised you really WERE going to answer crumpets to a question about lamb, that was A D O R A B L E!

P.S. we rocked! :)

Julie said...

oooooh get you!
From 'Blunder' to 'Wonder' via the baked goods aisle.

Katherine @mustardseedcook said...

Fiona, the Scottish lassie from burns night, works for Warburtons so we get regular supplies of free crumpets! Seriously mate the crumpets thing is hilarious but he who dares wins! 'twas an excellent performance all round! Well done!

Foodycat said...

Are they really called epigrams? I would have gone with collops.

meemalee said...

Sod epigrams - scrumpets would've been valid - it was that bloody moustache ruining your enunciation!

Also, I prefer this shot of you when you realise what you've just said :^D

Mister North said...

Haha, I feel your pain. I'll never live down 'beefsteak mushroom' from my appearance…

But hey, at least crumpet has a delicious, slightly smutty ring to it… there are worse things to have forever etched on the consciousness of anyone you know, whether because they think you're baking-obsessed, or just a bit suggestive!

You still cleared up though… great knowledge and performance… well done

miss south said...

I haven't see this episode yet, but Mister North called me to say he was very glad he hadn't been up against your team as you seriously knew your stuff...

And then I went back to mocking him for camply with arched eyebrow saying 'Pineapple?' when he braved AQOT. No one got away completely unscathed!

Pavel said...

Hilarious! You were great though, crumpet aside, so you can hold your head high! It's no bake well tart fiasco like my episode...

Dom at Belleau Kitchen said...

your little ginger moustache is HOT!!!!!!

Kavey said...

Apparently she may not have said epigram, maybe I just misheard that. I thought that's what she said!!!

meemalee said...

@Kavey - You're right, she did say epigram. And this is an epigram of lamb apparently.

Shu Han said...

hahahahhahaa. are you serious about the offer thing?

Lisa said...

I actually thought you said scrumpets to be honest. It certainly sounds far more tasty than an epigram.

@Mister North - there is a beefsteak mushroom so your brain was right. (I didn't see your question, so maybe your brain wasn't being terribly heedful of context at the time...)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fistulina_hepatica

Dan said...

Crumpets, Shmumpets - we won, and we won big. That's all that matters! Was absolutely cringeworthy watching it back on TV, but good fun all the same.