Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Death To All Snails (And The Menu For FU Supper Club April 28th 2012)

Lemony, tangy Sorrel

Resolution has failed, the treatise is broken, scattered and torn and all notions of diplomacy now fade, fall and dissipate within a portentous, desperate dusk. It is too late. Lines have now been drawn, lines which scour deep and scar the sodden earth, an emblem of vicious intent. The sky is black, generals gather in their masses, machines manoeuvre, distinctions of illusion and reality, blur and focus, in and out of view. But there is no denying it. It's time to engage, it's time to smite them from this earth, time to bring down my mighty wrath and to rid them completely from my back garden. Yes, it's time to declare war on the snails.

These may be strong words. They may even be a touch melodramatic. But today, I discovered that the snails in my garden have been laying into my precious sorrel, feasting with gleeful, greedy joy and quite frankly, I have had enough of the parasites. In fact, I think I am ready to go apeshit on their slimy asses. With beer, copper, salt, nightly raids by torchlight, napalm, whatever it takes. Especially since I have great plans to use the sorrel for the latest Food Urchin Supper Club which is up and coming on April 28th (of which there are lots of places left by the way).

So if you fancy a night out, dining with beautiful guests, eating wonderful food, enjoying stimulating conversation, in glorious surroundings, all within easy reach from central London (Hornchurch), please do get in touch. Your host might be a bit frazzled around the edges, jittery, prone to staring into space and occasionally yelling - "You weren't there maaaan! You weren't there!!" - but just remember, he did all for you, he did it to save the sorrel.

The man is a hero.

Food Urchin Supper Club Menu - April 28th 2012

Sorrel, Pea and Lettuce Soup.

Crab, Tomato and Saffron Tart.

Pan-Roast Breast of Suffolk Chicken with Chargrilled Asparagus, Crushed New Potatoes and a Tarragon and Lemon Sauce.
Link
Rhubarb and Ginger Polenta Crumble with Soured Vanilla Ice Cream.

If you would like to attend, please contact moi, Danny at foodurchin@yahoo.co.uk. Suggested donation is £25 a head (which includes homemade bread, palate cleanser, free tap water and a jar of pickled snails. Vegetarian options available on request)

STOP PRESS: Kavey of Kavey Eats has come up with the marvelous suggestion of adding a snail amuse bouche to the menu so I am going to try and source some and come up with a recipe. No time for purging my own and no signs of Blumenthal porridge but I am sure I can come up with something.

So, how do you like your snails?

I shall smite thee snail with all my might!!!

4 comments:

Kavey said...

No snails amuse bouche?

Milli said...

I feel your pain...they love young shoots. I've found broken egg shells quite good, and a salt border. Heard some people use beer to attract n kill, seems like an awful waste to me!

Spangle said...

My uncle uses melon rinds as bait for slugs and snails; apparently honeydew is one of their faves. Once it is dark he goes out with a torch and a plastic bag...I know no further details!

1snailview said...

If they are a nuisance eat them - that's why the Romans brought them here!